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Cuddle Alert!
© Steve Kristof, all rights reserved
With the change of seasons approaching – not one I’m personally looking forward to – we all start thinking about rearranging our wardrobe to make our cooler weather clothes more accessible. Even though I loathe the inevitable cool-down (don’t even get me talking about the deep freeze), there is one thing I’m actually looking forward to that is weather-related. It’s hearing the first “cuddle alert” of autumn.
One of the local television weathermen issues his signature “cuddle alert” warning any time the weather gets unseasonably cold. It’s always an evening thing, which I’m sure suits his loyal viewers; that is, as long as they have someone at home with which they want to cuddle up. I don’t think a daytime cuddle alert would work very well. After all, it would be freaky, to put it mildly, to arrive at work one day and find your boss, your co-workers, in fact everybody – cuddling. (I’d also have to think that would fly in the face of most office protocol and harassment policies.)
Cuddling is something that most of us guys think of as a girl thing. It’s true. Pick-up any female oriented magazine, tune-into any television or radio talk show that’s hosted by a woman or read ‘by women – for women’ relationship advice on the internet and it won’t be long before you learn about the virtues of cuddling. Heck, I’m pretty confident that even Dr. Phil has espoused the value of cuddling.
For sure, most men aren’t into the cuddling thing nearly as much as women. In fact, many guys see the cuddle as an enemy of sorts; they feel that the media’s inexhaustible stream of female cuddle advice is at odds with their own agenda. What annoys men most about this cuddle push is that it usually comes along with a hefty dose of something like, “…and you know girls, we all love cuddling – it’s even better than - you know what! And if your man won’t give you a night of cuddling and just cuddling, then you better start packing his bags!”
© Steve Kristof, all rights reserved
With the change of seasons approaching – not one I’m personally looking forward to – we all start thinking about rearranging our wardrobe to make our cooler weather clothes more accessible. Even though I loathe the inevitable cool-down (don’t even get me talking about the deep freeze), there is one thing I’m actually looking forward to that is weather-related. It’s hearing the first “cuddle alert” of autumn.
One of the local television weathermen issues his signature “cuddle alert” warning any time the weather gets unseasonably cold. It’s always an evening thing, which I’m sure suits his loyal viewers; that is, as long as they have someone at home with which they want to cuddle up. I don’t think a daytime cuddle alert would work very well. After all, it would be freaky, to put it mildly, to arrive at work one day and find your boss, your co-workers, in fact everybody – cuddling. (I’d also have to think that would fly in the face of most office protocol and harassment policies.)
Cuddling is something that most of us guys think of as a girl thing. It’s true. Pick-up any female oriented magazine, tune-into any television or radio talk show that’s hosted by a woman or read ‘by women – for women’ relationship advice on the internet and it won’t be long before you learn about the virtues of cuddling. Heck, I’m pretty confident that even Dr. Phil has espoused the value of cuddling.
For sure, most men aren’t into the cuddling thing nearly as much as women. In fact, many guys see the cuddle as an enemy of sorts; they feel that the media’s inexhaustible stream of female cuddle advice is at odds with their own agenda. What annoys men most about this cuddle push is that it usually comes along with a hefty dose of something like, “…and you know girls, we all love cuddling – it’s even better than - you know what! And if your man won’t give you a night of cuddling and just cuddling, then you better start packing his bags!”
Give me a break! Now, don’t get me wrong; I’m not at all against cuddling. In fact, I quite enjoy it. It’s just that the cuddle has been given such top billing as a relationship gauge it’s gotten out of hand. Contrary to some of the pithy advice floating around out there, cuddling, itself, does not define a relationship. Most sane people realize it’s only one of many less and more important things that fit together to make people feel that they’re close. And there’s a time and a place for it.
That brings me to something that got me thinking about this whole cuddling thing in the first place. A few days ago, a morning radio host was talking about this “new fad” where total strangers pay money to get into their pajamas, gather together at someone’s house and cuddle with each other. Well, actually, it’s not so new; these cuddle fests, as I like to call them, have actually been around for over five years. In fact, they’ve even been referenced on the Colbert Report, CSI and other popular television programs.
While I’ve never attended a cuddle fest and really have no desire to ever do so, I’ve got to think that the setting is more than just a bit surreal. My wife has been to countless other so-called parties (where cuddling was not on the menu) and the ultimate goal is to sell candles, kids toys, plastic containers, lingerie or whatever, in order to make money for the vendor, the facilitator and the homeowner. She tells me that the atmosphere isn’t at all like a real party. It’s usually an odd mix of relatives, friends, co-workers and distant acquaintances that never quite gel together. Everyone who attends knows they’re there to buy the products and usually can’t wait for the thing to end.
So here’s where things get weird, at least in my opinion. Think about it; the same peculiar group of people but in this scenario they’re wearing PJ’s and, well, touching, caressing and hugging each other. Sum it up in one word – “Eiewww”. Apparently these parties are non-sexual (that’s one of the rules by which all participants must abide), but still – “Eieww”!
I understand that participants at these cuddle gatherings have the final say about whether or not they want to be touched by someone in particular, but declining someone’s advance would have to be very awkward. Apparently, attention to personal hygiene is encouraged, but that’s no guarantee you’ll feel that someone else has paid as much attention to his or her hygiene as you have to yours. And what do you say if the person asking you to cuddle just had a big gyro sandwich before arriving? Think about that co-worker who, while always meticulous with his or her appearance, has an odd smell. Imagine your friend’s uncle – you know – the one who doesn’t respect your personal space in the first place. And what if someone touches you or you touch him or her in a way that suddenly feels like more than just cuddling?
I wonder how many participants in these cuddle fests say how great the experience was and then rush home to take a shower. I know I would.
So, I mentioned this idea of the cuddle gatherings to a male friend. Now, knowing how guys feel about how overrated cuddling is, what do you think he said? His eyes perked-up as he asked, “How does this work? Can you cuddle any woman there? How do you define cuddling?”
Go figure!
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